求一段英语脱口秀，2～3分钟，不要太难，求简单

1. 求一段英语脱口秀，2～3分钟，不要太难，求简单

Hello , everyone, today I want to share with you a funny story , which is rather funny , I promise:
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the men
that were whipped was 100 miles long,
and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"

The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

2. 有哪些精彩有趣的英语脱口秀？

3. 有哪些非常优秀有趣的英语脱口秀？

4. 非常优秀有趣的英语脱口秀有哪些呢？

5. 希望大家推荐个美国脱口秀节目，最好带有中英字幕的，用于学英语

　　美国达人秀
　　美国偶像
　　全美超模
　　--------------------以上是比较著名的电视节目大多都是翻译过了的----------------


　　以下是脱口秀(部分资源恐怕不好找,而且不能保证都有翻译)
　　建议你要是刚开始看脱口秀看david letterman（最最最传统，这种形式脱口秀的鼻祖级人物），conan o'brien 和jay leno的，比较传统的脱口秀，其中conan的late night show刚刚结束，在下半年他会取代jay leno主持tonight show.这几个节目基本每一期会请两位明星做客来侃大山，最后再由一个乐队演出。

　　jon steward（主持过两届奥斯卡的大叔~）的 the daily show，在美国的收视率相当猛，年轻人基本就通过它看新闻了。还有the colbert report也和这个相似。以上两个都是拿政治开涮的，主持人超级贱~就是由于现在国内无人做字幕，需要相当高英语水平才能听懂，不过不妨看看，看懂多少是多少呗。
　　老牌的的oprah~我就不多说了，感觉有点忒正式了。还有the saturday night live也凑副


　　脱口秀不是很好找资源,而且如果是刚开始用于练习的话,还是建议看看美剧,和真人秀一类的电视节目,一是资源好找,大多人们都翻译过了.二是内容简单,脱口秀里面很多都是有相应文化背景的,对于初学者来说不好懂

6. 英语脱口秀文章

There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirroring for towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.
But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest - - in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?
“Because, ” explained the king, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. This is the real meaning of peace.”
从前有个国王，出重金奖励最能展现宁静的画家。很多画家都试过了。国王看了所有的照片。但他真正喜欢的只有两个，他不得不在他们之间做出选择。一幅画是一个平静的湖。该湖是一个完美的镜像周围群山环绕。蓝色的天空中白云飘飘。所有看过这幅画的人都认为这是一幅完美的宁静画。另一张图片也有山。但这些是崎岖不平，且光秃秃的。上面有乌云密布的天空，大雨倾盆而下，闪电交加。山的下面有一个瀑布。这看起来一点都不宁静。
然而当国王仔细地看了看，他看到瀑布后面有一小丛灌木生长在岩石的缝隙中。在那里，在怒涛中，鸟妈妈坐在她的巢穴——如此宁静。
你认为哪幅画能获奖？国王选择了第二幅图。你知道是为什么吗？
“因为，”国王解释道，“宁静并不是指在这个地方没有噪音，没有麻烦，没有辛苦的工作的地方。宁静意味着在所有这些因素包围中，仍能保持内心的平静。这是宁静的真谛。”

7. 英文脱口秀

1. It’s not like that.不是那样的。   
  这句话是用来辟谣的。当别人误会了一件事的来龙去脉，你就可以跟他说It’s not like that.「不是那样的。」当然随着语气及情境的不同，It’s not like that.这句话也有可能是你用来硬拗的藉口。   
  2. There is nothing good playing. 没好电影可看   
  这里的There’s nothing good playing.是接着问句而来的，指的是「没有好电影可看。」同样的，若是电视上没有好节目可看，你就可以说There’s nothing good on TV.   
  3. I’ve gotten carried away. 我扯太远了。   
  get carried away字面上的意思是「被带走了」，那么被带走的是什么呢？就是心思。当你或是他人说话的时候离了题，偏离主旨扯远了。你就可以用上这个表达法I’ve / You’ve gotten carried away.   
  4. Good thing... 还好，幸好…   
  在美语当中若要表达中文里「还好，幸好…」的语气，你就可以用Good thing...做开头。这个句型非常简单又好用，你只要在Good thing后面加上完整的句子就可以。   
  5. I don’t believe you’re bringing this up.   
  你现在提这件事真是岂有此理。bring something up是指「提到（某件事）」。当然情况会有正反两面。你若没想到对方会提起这件事讨骂，你可以说I don’t believe you’re bringing this up.。而反过来说，若你很高兴对方主动提起了一件事，你也可以用这个片语，自然说出I am glad you are bringing this up.   
  6. spy on... 跟监（某人）   
  spy这个字就是「间谍」。当动词用的意思自然就是「做间谍做的事」，也就是「监视，跟踪」之意。当你要去监视跟踪某人，美语中就说成spy on someone。   
  7. There’s no other way of saying it.没有别种说法

8. 英语脱口秀对话

客人：Oh! My stomach hurt!Please help me！
服务生：I am coming！If the situation requires it I call the doctor?
客人：Thank you!Please quickly！
服务生：OK!Wait for some minutes！（打电话给医生，之后医生来到）
医生：Can you tell me the situation?
客人：My stomach hurt!
医生：Yes,let me see!（帮客人看病）
医生：（向服务生）Take a glass of hot water to him！
服务生拿水.
医生：（从急救箱拿出药）You must stay in bed!And have some medicines!
客人：Thank you！
医生与服务员离开，客人休息。

结束